Sorry to Burst Your Bubble: 5 Big Misunderstandings Foreigners Have About Korean Dating
If your knowledge of Korean dating comes entirely from Netflix, you probably have a very specific image in your head.
You think Korean men are all 6-foot-tall CEOs who will wait in the rain for five hours just to hand you an umbrella. You think Korean women are all shy, innocent angels who blush when you hold their hand. You think every first date ends with a slow-motion kiss while a ballad plays in the background.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but… real life isn’t Business Proposal.
While dating in Korea is amazing and romantic, the fantasy often clashes hard with reality. To save you from future disappointment (and some awkward dates), let’s clear up the 5 biggest misunderstandings foreigners have about the Korean dating scene.
1. Myth: “He Will Be Just Like a K-Drama Lead”
Reality: He’s probably just a tired salaryman who likes League of Legends. Don’t get me wrong, Korean men are generally very attentive and well-groomed. But the K-Drama trope of the rich, devoted Chaebol heir who has nothing to do but chase you around Seoul? That doesn’t exist. Most Korean men work incredibly long hours. They are stressed about housing prices. And on weekends, they might prefer sleeping or gaming over planning a grand romantic gesture. If you expect Captain Ri from Crash Landing on You, you’re going to be disappointed when you meet a regular guy named Min-soo who just wants to eat pork belly and chill.
2. Myth: “Korean Women are Submissive and Shy”
Reality: They are the bosses of the relationship. There is a weird Western stereotype that Asian women are passive. If you date a Korean woman thinking she will just follow your lead, you are in for a shock. Korean women are known for being strong-willed, opinionated, and fiery. In many Korean relationships, the woman holds the power—she often manages the couple’s schedule, decides what to eat, and sometimes even manages the finances. The phrase “My Sassy Girl” exists for a reason. If you can’t handle a strong partner, you can’t handle a Korean girlfriend.
3. Myth: “The Man Pays for EVERYTHING”
Reality: Your wallet needs to open, too. Yes, historically, Korean men paid for all dates. And yes, on the first date, he will likely insist on paying to show his capability. But the younger generation (Gen Z and Millennials) is moving away from this. If he buys the expensive BBQ dinner (Round 1) and you just stand there expecting him to buy the coffee and dessert (Round 2) as well, you are going to look like a “gold digger.” Mutual effort is sexy. Buy him the iced americano.
4. Myth: “Koreans are Super Conservative Prudes”
Reality: Have you seen the number of “Love Motels”? Because Korean couples rarely show PDA (Public Displays of Affection) on the streets, foreigners often think Koreans are very conservative behind closed doors. False. The reason there is a neon-lit “Motel” on every corner in Seoul is that young people often live with their parents until marriage. They need privacy somewhere. Korea has a very active and healthy dating life; they just keep it private. Just because they aren’t making out on the subway doesn’t mean they are monks!
5. Myth: “Foreigners are Exotic and Popular”
Reality: You might just be a “curiosity.” This is the harsh truth. Yes, being a foreigner can get you more matches on apps initially because you are “new” and “different.” However, there is a difference between someone wanting to date you and someone wanting to date a foreigner. Some people might just want a free English tutor. Others might want to date you casually but hide you from their conservative parents who expect them to marry a Korean. Navigating the line between being “fetishized” and being “loved” is a skill you will need to learn quickly.
Final Thoughts
Dating in Korea is a rollercoaster. It’s fun, it’s fast, and it’s full of culture shocks. But if you drop the K-Drama fantasies and appreciate the people for who they actually are—flaws and all—you’ll have a much better time finding a real connection.
