How Koreans Show Affection Differently
If you are waiting for a Korean person to look deep into your eyes and dramatically say, “I love you” like in a Hollywood movie, you might be waiting a long time.
In the West, affection is often verbal. You say it, you shout it, you write it in the sky. In Korea? Affection is action.
As a Korean, I often see my foreign friends get confused. They think their Korean friend or partner is being cold because they aren’t overly verbal. But in reality, that Korean person has probably been screaming “I love you” in ten different non-verbal languages.
If you want to decode the Korean heart, you need to learn to read the signs. Here is how we show affection differently—and why asking about your lunch is the most romantic thing we can do.
1. The Ultimate Question: “Bap Meogeosseo?” (Did You Eat?)
This is Rule #1 of Korean culture. If a Korean asks, “Have you eaten?”, they are not asking because they are a walking restaurant guide. They are asking: “Are you okay? Are you taking care of yourself? I am worried about you.” In a country with a history of poverty and hardship, ensuring someone is fed is the ultimate act of love. If they buy you food, put a piece of meat on your spoon, or peel a shrimp for you? That is basically a marriage proposal. Accept the food; accept the love.
2. “Skinship” is for Friends, Too
In the West, holding hands or walking arm-in-arm is usually reserved for couples. In Korea, “Skinship” (physical touch) is platonic and fluid. You will see girls walking down the street holding hands with their best friends. You will see guys giving each other massages or leaning on each other. It’s not weird; it’s “Jeong” (deep bonding). If a Korean friend touches your arm while laughing or leans on your shoulder on the bus, don’t freak out. It means you have officially entered their inner circle.
3. The “Couple Item” Obsession
Western couples often value individuality. “I’m me, you’re you.” Korean couples value unity. “We are one entity.” This is why “Couple Looks” are everywhere. Wearing matching sneakers, coats, or even pajamas isn’t considered “cringe” here. It’s a public badge of honor. It tells the world, “I belong to this person.” If a Korean partner suggests buying matching phone cases, don’t roll your eyes. It’s their way of showing they are proud to be with you.
4. We Don’t Say “I Miss You,” We Text “What Are You Doing?”
Korean affection is fueled by constant connection. If we like you, we want to know your GPS coordinates, your lunch menu, and your current mood at all times. We don’t usually send long, poetic paragraphs about missing you. Instead, we send a constant stream of:
“Mwo-hae?” (What are you doing?)
“It’s cold today, dress warmly.”
“Go home safely.” This “nagging” isn’t controlling; it’s affectionate. We call it “Jansori” (nagging out of love). If we stop nagging, that is when you should worry.
5. Acts of Service Over Everything
Look closely at a Korean couple or close friends. You will see someone carrying the other person’s bag (even if it’s light). You will see someone opening a water bottle and handing it over. You will see someone using their hand to shield the other person’s eyes from the sun. We believe love is in the micro-actions. We anticipate needs before you even say them. If you are dating a Korean and you never have to lift a finger to grill your own meat at a BBQ restaurant, congratulations: You are deeply loved.
Final Thoughts
Korean affection is quieter, but it is constant. It’s found in a bowl of warm soup, a matching hoodie, and a text message at 11 PM asking if you got home safe. It might not always be loud, but it is incredibly warm.
So, the next time someone asks if you’ve eaten, just smile and say “Yes.” It’s the best way to say “I love you” back.