Korean Dating Etiquette Every Foreigner Should Master
So, you’ve managed to catch the eye of a Korean local—congratulations! You’re navigating one of the most exciting, yet potentially confusing, dating landscapes in the world. Korean dating is full of subtle cues, rapid milestones, and traditions that can trip up even the most experienced foreigner.
Forget the confusing advice you read online. As a local, I’m here to give you the essential, witty, and practical guide to Korean Dating Etiquette—the unwritten rules you need to know to ensure your relationship goes from “some” to serious!
Rule 1: The Defined Start Line (Say Goodbye to Ambiguity)
In many Western cultures, relationships often just “happen” gradually. In Korea, things are much more clearly demarcated.
1. The “Some” Phase (썸, Sseom)
This is the pre-relationship zone. You’re definitely interested, texting frequently, and going on dates, but you are not exclusive yet. It’s the period of mutual evaluation and romantic tension.
The Rule: Don’t assume exclusivity or physical intimacy during Sseom. Keep things light and focus on getting to know them.
2. The Confession (고백, Gobaek)
This is the crucial step. Gobaek is the formal, verbal declaration of intent, usually done by one person asking the other: “Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?”
The Rule: Until the Gobaek happens, you are not officially a couple. Once accepted, you are immediately exclusive. The commitment level jumps from zero to one hundred overnight. You now have a relationship start date!
Rule 2: The Art of the Couple Calendar
Once you are official, be prepared for a relationship rich with celebrated milestones. This is a core part of the Korean dating culture.
1. The 100-Day Marker
This is a massive deal! The 100-day anniversary (and 200, 300, etc.) is often celebrated with gifts, special meals, and a dedicated outing. It shows commitment and diligence in maintaining the relationship.
The Rule: Do not forget this date. Acknowledge it, even if it’s just with a thoughtful note or small gift. Your first 100 days is a major test of your devotion.
2. Couple Items (The Visible Proof)
Korean couples often proudly display their relationship status through matching items. This isn’t cheesy; it’s a sign of pride and commitment.
The Rule: Be prepared to wear matching rings, phone cases, hoodies, or shoes. Embrace it! It tells the world, “We are committed,” which is a high compliment in this culture.
Rule 3: The Payment Dance (It’s All About Balance)
The old-school tradition of the man paying for everything is rapidly evolving, but the overall expectation is still different from the West.
1. The Modern Split (The “Take Turns” Method)
The most common modern dynamic is the “Take Turns” method:
Date 1 (Dinner): The older or proposing person often pays for the main, expensive part (e.g., Dinner).
Date 1 (Coffee/Dessert): The other person immediately pays for the secondary round (e.g., Coffee, ice cream, movie tickets).
Date 2: The roles completely reverse.
The Rule: Never let your partner feel like they are paying for everything, and always offer to pay for the second round. Balance is key to showing mutual respect and financial fairness.
Rule 4: Public Displays of Affection (Keep it Reserved)
While Korea is modern, public space is generally considered reserved and conservative.
1. PDA Boundaries
Holding hands, linking arms, or a quick peck on the cheek is generally fine, especially among younger crowds. However, passionate kissing, intense cuddling, or anything that draws attention in public spaces (subways, busy streets, parks) is generally frowned upon.
The Rule: Save the heavy stuff for private moments. Discretion is highly valued and shows respect for the public environment.
2. The Phone Factor (Communication is Constant)
Korean dating relies heavily on constant digital communication.
The Rule: Be prepared to text or call throughout the day, every day. Rapid replies are a sign of interest, while leaving someone on “read” or ignoring texts can be interpreted as a massive sign of disinterest or disrespect.
Mastering these rules won’t just make your Korean partner happy; it will show them you are taking the relationship seriously and are willing to embrace the culture. Happy dating!