Dating in Korea? 5 Unspoken Rules Foreigners Always Get Wrong
So, you’ve landed in Seoul, downloaded the dating apps, and you’re ready to find your own K-Drama romance. You might be expecting slow-motion wrist grabs or romantic confessions in the rain.
But here is the reality check: Korean dating culture is a unique beast. It is fast-paced, intense, and full of unwritten rules that can leave foreigners feeling completely confused.
In the West, dating can be casual and undefined for months. In Korea? If you don’t text back within an hour, you might be single by lunchtime. To help you navigate the scene without heartbreak, here are the 5 essential rules of Korean dating that every foreigner needs to master.
1. The “KakaoTalk” Obsession (Communication is Key)
In many Western countries, texting 24/7 can be seen as “clingy.” In Korea, it is the bare minimum requirement for a relationship. If you are dating a Korean, you are expected to be in constant contact. This doesn’t mean deep philosophical conversations; it means “reporting” your day.
“Good morning!”
“I’m eating lunch now. (Sends photo)”
“I’m getting on the bus.”
“Good night!” If you disappear for 3–4 hours without a reply, your Korean partner won’t think you are busy; they will think you are angry or losing interest. In Korea, speed of reply = level of affection.
2. The Wallet Dance: Who Pays?
The age-old question: Who picks up the check? Traditionally, the man paid for everything. However, among the younger generation (Gen Z and Millennials), things have shifted to a more sensible system: “1st Round vs. 2nd Round.” If he pays for the dinner (Round 1), you should offer to pay for the coffee and dessert (Round 2).
Pro Tip: Do not suggest splitting the bill exactly 50/50 (“Dutch Pay”) on the first date. It can feel cold and business-like. It’s better to take turns paying for different activities.
3. The “Some” Phase (The Pre-Dating Limbo)
Before you are officially dating, you are in a stage called “Sseom” (derived from the English word “Something”). This is that fluttering, exciting stage where you are flirting and getting to know each other. But be warned: Korean efficiency applies here too. While Western “talking stages” can drag on for months, the Korean “Some” phase usually lasts about a month max. If you don’t make it official (i.e., ask them to be your girlfriend/boyfriend) within a few weeks, they will assume you aren’t serious and move on to the next person.
4. PDA: Know the Limits
Korea is a modern country, but it still has conservative roots.
Okay: Holding hands, linking arms, brief hugs, or a quick peck on the cheek.
Not Okay: Full-on making out on the subway or heavy groping. You will see couples wearing matching outfits (“Couple Looks”) to show their affection, but they rarely show intense physical intimacy in public. Keep the passion for private spaces, or risk getting dirty looks from the older generation (Ajummas)!
5. Forget Years, Count the Days
If you are waiting for your 1-year anniversary to celebrate, you are going to be in big trouble. In Korea, the most important milestone is the 100th Day. Couples celebrate 100 days, 200 days, 300 days, and so on. It’s a huge deal. People buy couple rings, flowers, and cakes.
Survival Tip: Download a couple app like “The Couple” or “Between.” It will automatically count the days for you so you never forget a milestone. Trust me, this app is a lifesaver.
Final Thoughts
Dating in Korea can feel like a whirlwind. It’s intense and requires a lot of attention, but it is also incredibly romantic and rewarding. Just remember: reply fast, download KakaoTalk, and mark your calendar for day 100!