Love in Korea: 7 Unwritten Korean Dating Rules Foreigners Should Know
So you’ve landed a date with a handsome Korean guy or a stunning Korean woman. Congratulations! You’re about to embark on a dating journey that is exciting, romantic, and—let’s be honest—potentially confusing if you’re used to Western dating norms.
K-Dramas set a high bar, but real-life dating in Korea is built on a specific set of unwritten rules, etiquette, and milestones. As a local, I’m here to give you the insider scoop on the essential rules you need to follow to avoid confusion and make your relationship flourish!
Rule 1: Embrace the “Sseom” (썸) Stage—It’s Non-Negotiable
If you haven’t yet read about it, pay attention. The Sseom (썸), derived from the English word “something,” is the pre-relationship stage. It’s when you’re definitely flirting, spending time together, and gauging interest, but you are not an official couple.
The Rule: You must transition through Sseom before you become a couple. This stage is marked by frequent, almost daily communication (especially KakaoTalk) and intense focus on each other.
The Foreigner Mistake: Assuming frequent dates mean you are already exclusive. Wait for the Go-baek (Rule 7) before you claim the title!
Rule 2: The Money Dance: Offering to Pay (or Not)
Who pays on a date? This is a global conundrum, but Korea has a popular, modern system that avoids awkwardness.
The Rule: The “N-Times” rule or the “Take Turns” rule. Instead of splitting the bill (which can feel transactional), the person who initiated the date often pays for the big expense (dinner), and the other person pays for the next activity (dessert/coffee). Never insist on splitting the exact cost down the middle.
The Vibe: Offering to pay for the first round shows politeness and sincerity. Accepting the second round shows you are invested in continuing the date.
Rule 3: Aegyo (애교) is Cute, But Aemaemo (애매모호) is Not
Aegyo (cute behavior like pouting or high-pitched talking) is a cultural norm, but confusing ambiguity in dating is not. Koreans appreciate clear communication, even if it feels indirect at times.
The Rule: Know what you want. Be straightforward about your intentions (whether serious or casual) once the Sseom phase is over. Aemaemo (애매모호), meaning vague or ambiguous actions, can be perceived as disrespectful or leading someone on.
The Tip: If you’re busy, communicate it. If you enjoyed the date, say it. Consistent communication is key to showing respect.
Rule 4: Brace Yourself for Milestones (The Couple-Centric Life)
Forget anniversaries once a year. Korean couples celebrate relationship milestones frequently and publicly.
The Rule: Prepare to celebrate the 100th-day anniversary (백일, Baegil), the 200th day, 300th day, etc. It’s standard practice to acknowledge these dates with small gifts or special dates.
The Vibe: Couple rings or matching clothes (keo-peul-look) are also common, particularly for younger couples. This isn’t just flirting; it’s a public declaration that you are a couple.
Rule 5: Personal Space is Less… Personal
Due to close-knit living spaces and a high-trust society, the boundaries of physical closeness and personal questions often differ from Western norms.
The Rule: Don’t be surprised by seemingly personal questions early on. Questions about your age, job, and family can happen sooner than you expect. This is often framed as collecting information necessary to assess your compatibility in a serious relationship.
The Physicality: Flirting might involve less bold touching but more subtle, extended physical proximity (e.g., sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, walking very closely).
Rule 6: Time is an Investment
Korean dating requires consistent time and effort, signaling sincerity.
The Rule: A date isn’t just dinner and a movie; it’s an itinerary. If he or she plans a full day out (lunch, café, activity, dinner), it shows immense effort and interest. Reschedule only if necessary, and offer a clear alternative date immediately. Ghosting or frequently canceling is a major red flag that signals lack of sincerity.
Rule 7: The “Go-baek” (고백)—The Official Ask
This is the most critical rule. Flirting ends, and the relationship begins with the Go-baek (고백), the formal confession and ask to be exclusive.
The Rule: The relationship only becomes exclusive and official after one person initiates the Go-baek (usually with the question: “Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?”). This is the moment you transition from the Sseom stage to being a Keo-peul (couple).
The Importance: This moment removes ambiguity. Before this, you are technically single. After this, you are committed. Understanding this distinction is the key to successfully navigating Korean romance!
Mastering these rules will help you appreciate the sincere, romantic, and thoughtful nature of Korean dating. Good luck!